Sunday, April 24, 2016

Emerson's Birthday

I sit here at my keyboard with my breast pump attached to my chest, hair in a messy bun, a body in pain and very puffy eyes...and I feel so blessed in this moment. Being a parent is the most beautiful, indescribable emotion ever. I don't know where to start, so I will just start typing and whatever comes out is what I will have...just an honest, probably all over the place post about the day our family became complete. This is Emerson's birthday. 

So, we had our false alarm last Friday night when I was still 1 cm. Monday after work I had my weekly check-up and I was at 3 cm. When he checked me, he definitely spent longer than usual and it hurt, so I think he was trying to help get my labor going knowing that I was hoping to avoid my c-section which we bumped back to Friday to give me a couple more days to go into labor on my own. Little did I know that I wouldn't need those extra days at all. About 6:00 Monday I was talking to Drake as he was closing up at work and asking him to try and get home because I was having contractions again and I didn't want to go in again with a false alarm, but just to have him here because they were very spaced out but oh man they were SO intense when they were happening. 

He came home to me moaning and groaning in the bath trying to get some relief. Once he saw me during a couple contractions he said we needed to go in, but I was still against the idea since they were so random at that point, there's no way it was the real thing. Finally after a couple hours of the intense ones, I told him to call my parents, we needed to go. They were almost to our house and I waited for a contraction to stop and then made my way through the living room to give Easton a big hug bye. Saying good-bye to my only child for the last time. The next time I would see him, he would be a big brother. Such a bittersweet feeling. 
Once we got to the hospital, triage checked me and I was at 5 cm and 80% effaced. They got me admitted and I made my way to L&D. A couple hours must have passed...filled with paperwork, lots of missed veins, and contractions. I got an epidural and felt so much relief and was checked and was 7-8 cm and 100% effaced. When they did the epidural, my parents were outside waiting and they see a nurse go and get orange juice and crackers, thinking something happened to me...nope, just Drake about to pass out. haha The nurse had to take over his duty of holding my hands through that part. Overall, I couldn't believe how well things were moving along. Would I actually get to have that moment where my newborn is placed on my chest after I push?! 
About 2:30 am I was checked and was 9 cm! Oh my gosh, this was going to happen anytime! After that we waited and waited...I never had the urge to push and was at 9 cm for hours. Continuously changing positions and just laying there staring at the monitor making sure my contractions were staying strong enough so I could push when the time came. They came in and decided to break my water to help move things along. I was still doing good and with no pitocin after being clear about not wanting any. Finally, they called my doctor up to see what we needed to do next. He checked me and just had a look on his face...he knew how much I did not want a c-section so I guess he was dreading to tell me what had to happen next. 

He explained to all of us that my body did exactly what it needed to do, my contractions were good, I was dilated and everything else showing all good news. But, when he checked me, the head was not able to come down into my pelvic bone. My bones were just too small for her to fit. He was very thorough in telling us but at the same time told me in just a few minutes when he handed me my healthy baby it wouldn't matter how she got here. He was right. He left the room and I cried. I cried from anger, from fear and disappointment. My monitors started beeping like crazy. But a couple minutes later, when the nurses came in with nasty stuff for me to drink and all of their things to prepare for the OR, I just became focused and knew I had to settle down and get through this. It was going to be okay and God was in control.  
They wheeled me back and there I was...again. I started to have some anxiety and was trying to breath through everything. I felt nauseous and had some tears going down my cheeks. Hotel California was on the radio-why I always take note of those random things I have no idea. They prepped me and poked me to see how much I could feel in different areas of my body. They brought Drake in and then my doctor pulled the sheet back and asked me if I was ready and said, "Let's have a baby!" There was definitely more comfort this time around at least going through it with my doctor that I had seen all of my pregnancy, knowing he would take care of me and do his best job during the c-section. 

Overall as I laid there I was listening to the doctors and had my eyes closed, just trying to stay in a relaxed state. Drake would ask if I was okay and I would just shake my head yes. Because if I truly opened my eyes and talked about what was really happening I would panic. When they said I would start to feel some tugging, I knew we were getting close. And  then I hear the suctioning and crying and they tell Drake to look over the sheet at our girl ♥ 

I saw her and was so overwhelmed with love. She looked just like her brother did when he was born. How in the world did I get this lucky?!

And this time since she did not have to be rushed away like Easton did, I was able to have her there to look at and distract me as they were sewing me up. He said I would be more sore than I was after my last one because he had a good bit of stitching to do on the inside this time making some repairs. My cervix had a tear in it that he had to fix and it turns out, that he could see through my uterus because it was so close to rupturing! If I would have gotten my vbac and started pushing, it could have easily burst and it could have been fatal. So it looks like I should be thanking God for that c-section I thought I didn't want. 

Our girl is perfect ♥ Born at 6:56 am. Weighing 7 pounds and 19 inches long. 

When Easton came to meet her, he was excited and being shy. I still can't believe I have 2 babies now. And honestly there is absolutely nothing I can try and type out here that could even come close to the way my heart feels right now. I am the happiest I have ever been. 

I was a little nervous at the idea of transitioning to our new life as a family of four, but when we got home and I look at Emerson and then Easton is right beside her, it is a constant reminder to me of how fast it goes and a reminder to cherish every second, even when it's hard. 
He has blown us away with how much he loves her! I was hoping he would want to be a helper and be a part of things, but wow! He is asking to do so much for her and constantly talking to her and asking where she is. 
Now I am off of work until summer break I get to stay at home with them until August! I am so excited about the memories we will make and am so thankful for my life right now. Emerson, you have made our family complete and are so loved by all of us! 

"Emerson loves Easton and Easton loves Emerson. That's it." 
-Easton Wade


  1. This is such a beautiful birth story! I know you are disappointed that you didn't get the birth you had wanted, but reading the details of what COULD have happened, you are right, God knew best for you and sweet Emerson. She is absolutely perfect and I am so glad you are able to be home until the next school year with both of your kids! I was amazed at how much older Aiden seemed after Callen was born, having two kids is amazing! Praying for lots of rest and a smooth recovery for you!

  2. She is absolutely beautiful and you look stunning in that first family of four picture!! How scary what the possibilities might have been had you had the VBAC, I guess like Heather said, you had the birth you were supposed to have for a reason. I hope you heal quickly and enjoy all those precious days with your two kids!!

  3. I just love birth stories. So happy for you, Drake and Easton! :)

  4. OH man, your story is so similar to my BFFs. She also labored all the way to a 9+ and they finally figured out that her pelvis was just tilted/shaped weird and her daughter couldn't fit to descend. Like you, it was devastating at the time to have her hopes for her birth experience change so drastically, but her midwife told her that 100 years ago, this would have been a really bad situation for Mom & baby, but now it wouldn't be, and that was a good thing. There is a time and place for Cesarean births, and I'm so glad that you were able to get THAT experience of a safe & healthy baby at the end. All that being said, I'm sorry that things didn't go quite as you had hoped. It sounds like an incredible experience though, and congrats on your family of 4!


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