Well...you can probably guess what I am going to say :( Again a no this month. I have gone through several emotions through this difficult journey so far, but today I have really felt angry at the whole thing. Just tired of the feeling I get each month and then trying to get back up, dust myself off, and start all over again. But I know I will keep moving forward...I have no other choice. This is something we want so bad. So today was a gloomy day outside, I got home from work and cried, and Drake just held me. I love him so much, he is so strong for me even though I can tell how much he hates hearing the bad news each month. I put on my pjs, Drake went and got us junk food and we have been bumming around today. I know there is a reason we are going through this, and I can't wait until one day I can look back and understand why, but in the moment it is so hard.
So on to the next hopeful month...Drake called in to pick up another month of clomid, I printed out a new chart to track everything you can think of, and am just getting ready for our 9th month of trying. I am so let down, but I will focus on all I have to be thankful for, especially with the wonderful holiday season being here. Matt, Kathryn and Bayleigh will be here this weekend and then Kylie will be here for Christmas! Speaking of...if you have read in the past you know I get a new ornament for each year that Drake and I have been married, and this year I got a silver one that says believe. I think it fits well with the fact that this year we have done a lot of believing that we will be parents one day...I am praying that our 2010 ornament will read "baby's first Christmas"
Monday, December 14, 2009
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Oh Rachel! I hate to hear this, but will keep praying. I can tell that the Lord is definitely giving you the strength you need in all of this. Hang in there and do believe!
ReplyDeleteHi la! I love you and can't wait to see you. You are strong Ray...really strong and I look up to you so much. I'm telling you..January..gut feeling..and I've ALWAYS been right on my gut feelings. We will have fun when I get there. Hang in there bf..you will get your little miracle :)
ReplyDeleteSomething you might want to try: Say the mantra and really believe it - " i am with baby, or I am with healthy baby." Put it everywhere! On your cell phone banner, on post its in the bathroom (on the mirror), in your car...anywhere you'd like. Keep saying it over and over in your head and visualize it...you'll begin to really feel it. You've already started with buying frames...that's SO good...live life like you're already pregnant! :) Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteThanks everybody! Who is my anonymous reader? :) I already put it on my cell phone banner. Thanks
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